E is for Eating Disorder

Friends - meet Monica! Monica and I became friends through Facebook actually. We found each other on the I Run 4 group - as she runs for a little boy named, Jake. I saw Monica posted to her buddy Jake one morning and I saw it was posted from "Souderton, Pa." I said, holy shit balls, we're neighbors, who are you and do you wanna run with me sometime?! And just like that the rest is history. We've been inseparable since December 2014 logging endless miles together, going on dinner dates, shopping, having serious talks about life, making each other laugh and the list goes on and on. Monica is my "sole" sister and one thing I treasure is her oh so caring heart. Her heart is HUGE and she's always wanting to give back, always worried about everyone else over herself. While this may be a flaw of hers, it's also one of her strongest characteristics which I adore because no matter what, I know she is ALWAYS there for me! Monica, I am extremely proud of you for writing this post and I hope it helps others going through the same struggles as you. You know I'm always here for you!


Thanks Amanda for letting me be a guest on your blog!

Most people have fears, right?  You would be hard pressed to find somebody who does NOT fear something.  There are quite simple fears such as spiders, heights, tight spaces, you get the idea.  And what about addictions?  Many people struggle with some sort of addiction from nicotine, alcohol, and gambling to name the biggies and even some on a smaller scale as a certain TV show - you cannot stop binge watching the latest season in a weekend because you crave more and are actually upset when it’s over.

The good thing, when you fear something, you can avoid it.  When you are addicted to something, you can cut the addiction out of your life, albeit difficult, and even find support groups for said addictions. BUT – what if one of your greatest fears and addiction is food? The compulsion to want to consume food until you are going to explode yet is the very thing you need to survive. The thought of eating brings on more anxiety than you thought possible.  Obviously you can’t avoid it.  Everyone needs to eat to survive.  The only way to handle it is to relearn how to eat properly and deal with the feelings and thoughts that come with it.

I have been struggling with my weight since I was a teenager.  I always had a love of food that I realized over time became an addiction.  I was able to control it though.  Yeah, I would over eat, or have ice cream for dinner – you get to do that when you are an adult – but I never would sit down and just house everything in sight. Over a few years I had lost 60 pounds but there came a point where it stalled. Then things got worse.

I cannot pinpoint the exact date, but May 2015 is the closest to the beginning I can determine.  At that time, I had been to 4 funerals in 5 months and every loss led to me to “sweep it under the rug”.  I would tell myself I would see these people later, that they were still around, nothing happened.  I know, ridiculous thoughts.  But it was May 1, 2015 that the hardest loss hit.  My dad’s best friend, TP.  He was 54.  He was younger than my dad and so much like him.  I believe it put mortality into a huge perspective at that point as I couldn’t get past the thought that one day I would lose my father.  I didn’t deal with TP’s death.  Sure, I cried like crazy, but after a couple days, I had to bury it and move on thinking that there is no reason to deal with it since the outcome would not change.  (I promise, I will get to the eating disorder part soon).

I began to eat.  A lot.  Weight was creeping back on.  I thought the stress of life was getting to me.  Who cares if I went out and got a big meal, I could always start over tomorrow.  Then came June.  Another loss.  Then came September, another loss. He was a schoolmate, turned co-worker, turned friend who died tragically in OCMD over Labor Day weekend at just 37 years old.  That was it.  I was done.  I ate and ate and ate.

Around October I started to see articles and information through social media about binge eating and how it was beginning to be recognized as an eating disorder.  I mentioned it to a couple friends, and well – the binging stopped!  It was like telling people out loud made it “real”.  Plus I was training for a marathon in November and had to get my act together real quick.

The marathon came and went.  I found myself binging up to 5 nights a week.  And when I say binging - I mean binging. Approximately 2500 calories in one sitting (nearly 1000 calories over what should be my daily intake!).  I’d be beyond sick to my stomach but had to finish.  As I look back now, I guess the food numbed me.  It took pain away for a fleeting moment.  I wasn’t just hurting from these 6 losses in less than a year, but realized I still have yet to heal from my divorce.  It hurt watching life go by for everyone else when I felt stuck standing still not knowing where I was going in life and wondering would I ever be happy again.

In January I cleaned up my act again and cut the binging from 5 nights a week to 2-3 times.  It was an improvement but still not enough.  I had to deal with this.  After talking with a nutritionist and being referred to The Renfrew Center, a facility that helps women with eating disorders, I went for my assessment.

I left the assessment being told I should go to their Intensive Outpatient Therapy (IOP) for 6 weeks, every Monday 4-8:30, Wednesday, and Thursday from 5:30-830.  The first 2 weeks were very overwhelming.  I just thought I binged and needed to figure out how to control those urges.  Well the emotions that were being unleashed made for a very stressful and anxious time.  I realized too, that much of what I thought was “normal” was not normal at all.  The rules I created for myself regarding what I could and couldn’t eat, what I omitted completely from eating - was not normal.

At Renfrew I was taught about intuitive eating, how to allow myself a dessert and it NOT be the end of the world.  There were some stressful sessions.  Unannounced challenges in which you had to eat the cookie you were given with dinner.  You may think, “How can a center help someone if they force them to eat a cookie?”  I thought the same thing.  It was about being part of the community.  Showing a sister that restricts, it’s ok to eat the cookie because you did too.  We all had to finish our meals for the same reason.  We all had nutritional goals through the amount of exchanges to have at each meal (2-3 protein, 1 dairy, 2 starch, 2 fat, 1 fruit or veggie, for example).  We also had to realize how to eat a cookie and deal with the emotions that came with it.  If we ate the cookie we could process our feelings with the group so we would know how to deal with it the next time we would be faced with this.  Cookies are a part of life!

Learning how to truly eat meant watching my hunger cues, being mindful of my choices and portions, knowing there is no “good” or “bad” food, and to get rid of the idea of “food police”.  You see, eating is not supposed to be scary and riddled with anxiety.  At times, it still is to me.  Recovery is a long journey.  You never lose the urges to act on certain behaviors; for me - binging, but for some restricting or purging.  I have been fortunate in my journey to have gone since March 29 without a binge.  There may be a day where it happens, but I was given tools to help me process the emotions and thoughts when it does.  I have a great support in the friends and family I have chosen to share this with.  Amanda has been a huge support to me.  She even came to “multi-family group” with me to experience what dinner and a group session were like.  For that I could never thank her enough.  Love you for that and so much more “sole” sister!

I could go on and on here, but I think you get the gist.  I have made great friendships with the other women from group.  Each with their own issues and different set of circumstances, but the bottom line – we all face the same issues with our own addictions surrounding how we deal with food. I am grateful for their support. I will always have an eating disorder, but I have finally decided to not let the eating disorder have me.

D is for Doctor

Guest blogger Kristian Johnson von Rickenbach is BACK! 
Did I mention, she's a doctor?

I’m back for my second installment, ya’ll! Who’s pumped?! Cue emoji girl with her hand raised because it’s me, it’s me, I’m pumped.

Today’s letter is D and D is for Doctor. It sounds super weird to say, but I’m a doctor. I’ve only been one for a month and change now, and I’ve basically been on vacation for the past few months, annndddd I haven’t actually started my residency or had my own official patients yet… So yeah, I’m like the jockey on the horse heading toward the starting gate, but the crowds of people wearing ridiculous hats have yet to arrive. But it’s still a real thing – I promise! I paid lots of money (loans, baby, loans) for those sweet new initials after my name so I’m putting them to use.

Today, I’m gonna drop a little bit of doctor knowledge. Truthfully, I’m sharing easily searchable material á la google and everything I say is just regurgitated info and NOT real doctor advice (aka I accept no liability or responsibility related to what you read or interpret from this post ☺).

Here’s the truth – doctors are simple people who think simple thoughts, so when you go to the doctor for a pain, rash, runny nose, cough, injury, foreign object implanted in a place where it doesn’t belong, or whatever your ailment of the day is, be SIMPLE.
 
Here’s how to be simple – mnemonics. Medicine LOVES mnemonics like Ice loves Coco. I’ve
literally learned (or let’s be real, memorized for exams) hundreds of medical mnemonics over my four years of education and none is more ingrained in my mind than OLD CARTS. So if you share the information from this mnemonic with your doctor, you’ll likely be nominated for ‘The Most Perfect Patient’ award. You’re welcome.

Sounds simple right? So let’s begin. OLD CARTS stands for:

Onset – when did it start? Yesterday, one week, one month? What were you doing around when it started? Paint us a picture with your words. Have you ever had this before? Timing is everything people.

Location/Radiation – Location, location, location. Now, this doesn’t apply to every type of illness, obvi, but for those that it does, where is the rash or the pain? Did it start in one spot and move, or did it spread to include other locations? Now take your hand or finger and literally point to the exact spot. If you say you have stomach pain and point to your left ribcage versus your right lower pelvic region I’m thinking very different thoughts.

Duration – How long does the pain or rash or cough or whatever last? Does it come and go or is it constant from day one? When it happens, how long does it last for? I told you, timing is Ev-er-y-thing.

Character – What is it like? Describe it. And can you associate anything else with it? For example: if it’s a cough – does it rattle like a 60 year old smoker cough or is it barky like a dog? Is phlegm coming up with the cough? What color is it (for real people)? Do you also have a headache, fever, and/or a runny nose? Do you have allergies and it’s mid-April and your car outside is covered in tree love- aka pollen? If it’s a rash – is it fiery red, hot, and blistering? Or is it little pink bumps everywhere? Do you have a fever or pain elsewhere in your joints with this rash? If it’s ankle pain – does it feel like someone is stabbing you with a kitchen knife or is it more like a dull achy pain like a little sister constantly poking you in the same spot over and over again? Can you feel your big toe on that same side? Are you able to do normal everyday things like go to work or walk (if that’s normal to you) or is the problem so disruptive that you can’t even enjoy the Netflix binge sesh you’ve been consuming?

Aggravating factors – What makes it worse? What makes that pain go from a slight annoyance to an unbearable rage? Does your wrist pain dramatically increase whenever you bend your wrist back to an unnatural degree (if so, just STOP DOING THAT) or is it simply when applying pressure? Does that headache get worse when you eat food, drink coffee, or wake up after a night of one too many tequila shots?

Relieving factors – What (if anything) makes it better, or at least not be as bad? Have you tried some old fashioned home remedies (I’m talking ice, meds, rest, fluids, honey, prayer, etc) before you made this decision to tap into that sweet healthcare insurance you’ve been paying for? (Side note: Yes – healthcare is ludicrously expensive, but I promise you – it’s totally worth it. Take a peek at what your insurance company is charged and then breathe deeply into a paper bag because it’s insane).  Point is, if you tried anything, even if it didn’t work, tell us!

Timing – Didn’t I tell you timing is everything? So timing is timing, when does it hurt? Are your headaches only in the morning? Does your knee pain always happen the day after you run? Does your cough only happen when you’re trying to cuddle up with your boo in bed? Does your chest burn only after consuming an appropriately proportioned burrito from Chipotle with extra hot sauce? Can you relate anything you do with when your problem occurs at all?

Severity – We’ve made it to the last letter. Tired of all this medical talk? Me too, so let’s wrap this thing up and put a bow on it. Doctors might seem like mythical creatures at times but they cannot feel your pain/discomfort so we need you to rate your pain on a scale of 1 – 10, with one being just a little nugget of pain and 10 being the worst pain you’ve ever felt in your entire life. I repeat, 10 is THE WORST PAIN YOU’VE EVER FELT OR COULD EVER IMAGINE FEELING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. So when you casually stroll into the doctor’s office and take a running start to jump up onto that oh so comfortable paper sheet covered table, you probs shouldn’t rate your ankle pain a 10 out of 10, it looks suspicious.

So that’s it folks. Like I said before, this is by no means real doctor advice, it’s really just a script for you to consider following at your next doctor’s appointment. No need to wait for a doctor to ask you these questions, you can jump right in and share this info from the start! Then before you know it you’ll be walking out of the office with that cherry lollypop in your mouth knowing you just owned that appointment.

C is for Crafty...Aggressively Crafty

Shannon, Kristian and me.

Today our guest blogger is yours truly, Kristian Johnson von Rickenbach. Kristian and I go wayyyy back to our youth soccer days where we use to spend endless tournaments together calling each other sisters and royally screwing with waiters and waitresses when we both use to call Dolla Bill, "Daddy." I will never forget the one tournament when Kristian even weaseled out a pair of Adidas flip flops from my dad at the Tournament Tent sale. :) Dr. Kristian is now blowing us all away with her accomplishments both at and outside of work. I'm so proud of you and all you have accomplished!

C is for crafty, aggressively crafty that is. Thank you Amanda for letting me make my dream come true of starting my own blog, for at least one day!  I’ve appropriately named this blog ‘Aggressively Crafty’, fully equipped with a little theme song I've made up in my head (if I knew how to add music here I totes would record it). Big old check mark next to that bucket list item.

So what does an almost 30 year old, healthcare worker who lives in NYC know about being crafty anyway? Well honestly, nothing… except Pinterest has led me to believe I know everything about DIY décor, crafting, fashion, makeup application and cooking so we'll just go with it. Today I have a simple DIY project that you totally should consider doing RIGHT NOW, or at least pinning for later consideration.

Let’s get to it – it’s time to jazz up your dressers, cabinets, drawers, baskets, cubbies, bars, you name it! It's super simple, you just have to be a little creative.

Look at my husband's dresser (yes these are staged):

      

Now look at mine:

         

Now look at his again, now look at mine. Do you think he has cuteness envy?!?! Fo sho. And yes, we still need to stain them (we’ve only been moved in for one week people)! This level of cuteness only cost me like $20, which is completely within my not-currently-employed budget. Also, it's so simple even an aggressively novice crafter like myself can do it. 

So, the first thing you need is some sick paper to make those drawers go from Plain Jane to straight joy-bringing adorableness. There are a ton of options here.  In my kitchen I used an actual drawer liner as seen below, which is straight dolla’ store bro.

In my cabinets, I used an #adorbs liner I found at Marshalls.  I also used anti-slip liners like this one in my lower kitchen cabinets because I’ve been collecting this stuff for years and no one sees them so who cares.

Another option is contact paper which comes in beautiful patterns on Amazon like this bad boy below (swoon).

Contact paper would make this project easier. The back side is adhesive, but not permanent so it theoretically shouldn’t ruin them. I, however, always opt for the more unique (aka slightly more difficult and definitely more permanent) approach. I found this adorable Kraft colored wrapping paper with gold dots at Marshalls (noticing a shopping trend here?) and fell in love. Since I just moved into a new apartment with my husband, I was able to line my dresser as I built it. Ikea hackers, eat your heart out.

To attach the wrapping paper to my drawer bottom, I first measured the bottom of my drawer then cut the paper to size. Originally I attempted to attach the paper by putting a layer of clear contact paper on top of it, but that was a failure (to be fair, I did reuse that failure in a later project to be mentioned shortly).  I then resorted to spray adhesive glue, although you could just lay it down flat if it’s not a high traffic drawer. I continued by spraying the top corner of my drawer bottom and lining up my paper on top of the sprayed area.  

Finally, I used my hand to smooth over the paper and repeated this step until the entire paper was attached and… voila! You’ve got yourself one adorably lined drawer.

           

Want to take it to the next level? Of course you do. I’m a bit (a lot) of a pack-rat and I’ve been holding on to some awesome drawer knobs for a good bit now (some from Anthro, and some from a recent trip to India). So, clearly I was excited that I had exactly 8 knobs, 2 for each drawer. Since I was Ikea-ing it up, instead of attaching the knobs that my dresser originally came with, I simply screwed in my fun and colorful knobs. 

If your pieces don’t already have holes for knobs, it’s super simple to drill a few holes with a thin drill bit and then pop those bad boys in. Knobs are awesome because they can be added to anything, and they don’t even have to be functional! So simple and it instantly adds some serious cuteness.

                     

So remember how I said I failed with the wrapping paper/clear contact paper situation? Well failure no more. I took that piece, cut it down, and lined a basket that sits under my sink, gets transferred from apartment to apartment, and houses some cleaning supplies that should definitely be used more often. Maybe now that I jazzed up this basket, I’ll be more inclined to clean? Probs not, but you never know.

Ok now it’s your time. First, find something in your home that could use a little jazzing up and ACTUALLY JAZZ IT THE FUCK UP because today is C for crafty and it’s time you get a little craft-tay girrrl.